After 13 months of nursing I can officially say I am done. It’s a bittersweet feeling. But in the end, I’m ready to move on from this chapter in my life. It was a really important goal of mine to nurse Braden for a full year, with zero supplement from formula. And I did it. I can’t believe It… But I did! It was a really rough first couple of months, and I thought for sure I was going to have to stop. But I persevered, and accomplished my goal. The benefits outweighed any struggle that I had, and I’m glad I chose to keep going.
I know every mom will choose their own path, and I support any decision! This is just my own little pat on the back for surviving the past year as being Braden’s (partial) lifeline. I will miss the sweet cuddles and sleepy blue eyes peering up at me..
But I know it’s time to move on and let Braden grow up just a little bit more. He no longer needs me in that way and I must accept that the world is ready to have just a little piece more of my sweet Braden. Oh and sweet he is.
I love you my button button ( yes 2 buttons)
2am always comes so quickly. No matter how early I go to bed, 2am is not as fun as it once was. I awake to the sounds of a hungry baby. Mindlessly, I pull him into my lap so he can eat. I lazily look at my phone. It reads 2am. I struggle to keep my eyes awake. Hurry up and eat, I’m thinking.
After what seems like an eternity, he finally finishes. I quietly pull him to chest, he let’s out a little burp. Carefully, I rise from my bed… And slowly I make my way to the changing table. Any sudden movements, trips over large objects, or running into walls could awake the babe. Which is something I’m trying to avoid at all costs.
I turn on the lights, and lay him down. I aim for a quick change of the diaper. Steadily and effortlessly I make it through. As I squeeze the hand sanitizer into my hands, it pops out of my hands and onto the floor. BOOM!
I quickly glance at the babe on the table. Instantly, arms are flailing and legs are kicking! PLEASE DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES.
My mind instantly flashes to 3am, attempting to rock him back to sleep. Tomorrow morning being a nightmare to wake up to. Dark circles, bed hair, bad breath… Oh no oh no, please don’t wake up!
But the flutter of the eyes begins. It’s happening. He’s waking up and there’s nothing I can do. Do I look at him? Do I look away? Ignore? Ahh!
And then, the baby blues open and find my face. A face terrified of what’s to come. We lock eyes for a 5 second stare down. Then it happens.
The most beautiful, precious and biggest smile appears upon his face. He giggles, as if it say, “oh hey mom! There you are!”
In a second, nothing else matters. Dark circles, bed hair, and bad breath is all worth it. I scoop him up into my arms and kiss his cheek. I turn off the light, and we walk back to bed. I hold him close, hum in his ear, and gently rock him back and forth. He softly tells me all about his dreams. Before I know it he has drifted off back to sleep.
And Braden, that 2am smile was just fine by me.
I love you,
Your mama! Xo
15 weeks old!