The 2am smile

2am always comes so quickly. No matter how early I go to bed, 2am is not as fun as it once was. I awake to the sounds of a hungry baby. Mindlessly, I pull him into my lap so he can eat. I lazily look at my phone. It reads 2am. I struggle to keep my eyes awake. Hurry up and eat, I’m thinking.
After what seems like an eternity, he finally finishes. I quietly pull him to chest, he let’s out a little burp. Carefully, I rise from my bed… And slowly I make my way to the changing table. Any sudden movements, trips over large objects, or running into walls could awake the babe. Which is something I’m trying to avoid at all costs.
I turn on the lights, and lay him down. I aim for a quick change of the diaper. Steadily and effortlessly I make it through. As I squeeze the hand sanitizer into my hands, it pops out of my hands and onto the floor. BOOM!
I quickly glance at the babe on the table. Instantly, arms are flailing and legs are kicking! PLEASE DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES.
My mind instantly flashes to 3am, attempting to rock him back to sleep. Tomorrow morning being a nightmare to wake up to. Dark circles, bed hair, bad breath… Oh no oh no, please don’t wake up!
But the flutter of the eyes begins. It’s happening. He’s waking up and there’s nothing I can do. Do I look at him? Do I look away? Ignore? Ahh!
And then, the baby blues open and find my face. A face terrified of what’s to come. We lock eyes for a 5 second stare down. Then it happens.
The most beautiful, precious and biggest smile appears upon his face. He giggles, as if it say, “oh hey mom! There you are!”
In a second, nothing else matters. Dark circles, bed hair, and bad breath is all worth it. I scoop him up into my arms and kiss his cheek. I turn off the light, and we walk back to bed. I hold him close, hum in his ear, and gently rock him back and forth. He softly tells me all about his dreams. Before I know it he has drifted off back to sleep.
And Braden, that 2am smile was just fine by me.

I love you,
Your mama! Xo

15 weeks old!

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The 2am smile

Technicolor Poop

My world has been consumed by poop. More specifically, Braden’s poop. It started the moment he was born. We couldn’t leave the hospital until he pooped. And poop he did. I somehow got away with never having to change a poopy diaper for almost 3 days! And let me tell ya, those first few poops are not so great. Can be poop be great you ask? YES IT CAN!
After the meconium poop days were past us, the green-yellow and yellow poops followed. Yellow poop is the healthiest. I’m exclusively breastfeeding so It’s the great poop you always want. When he was a few weeks old his poop suddenly turned green. BRIGHT GREEN. I immediately googled and came across some answers. But I still had that mom guilt so I called the pediatrician. They suggested perhaps he wasn’t getting enough hind milk. You see when breastfeeding, the hind milk contains the fat and comes at the end. So if the baby doesn’t finish off all the milk, he is just getting foremilk. This can turn poop green.
The phone nurse informed me this was probably the case, not to worry and make sure he takes all of the milk. I focused so hard. I was determined to not let anymore green poop happen. I chose to start block feeding hoping that would help. It worked! His poop turned back to the “great yellow”. I was thrilled.
About a month later… Green poop. Again. I couldn’t believe it. I focused back on my block feeding. Nothing changed. I called the pediatrician. They told me not to worry, perhaps it’s something in my diet. I did some research. Dairy. Cows milk can be very sensitive to a babies digestive system since it’s still adapting and developing. So I cut out diary. Did you know dairy is in practically everything?
I was vegan up until I got pregnant, but when you’re used to not looking into ingredients for almost a year… It’s hard to remember to do so. After a week and a half of cutting back on diary… No changes. I decided to call the pediatrician again. It just didn’t sit right that my babies poop was STILL green. Something HAD to be wrong.
The phone nurse decided it was best to bring in Braden immediately. I was so nervous. What if something was seriously wrong with my little nugget!? I began to be so mad at myself for not making them bring him in sooner. I ended up having to go to their main office and see a completely different doctor. That made me even more nervous. But luckily the pediatrician group is so lovely and accommodating.
We were seen by the most incredible doctor. All of them are great actually. He walked in and was so kind to Braden, trying to make his experience at the pediatricians much less scary.
He opened with, ” So, I hear Braden has some technicolor poop”. I immediately liked him even more. I told him what I had been doing to help ( block feeding, no dairy) I was scared he was going to tell me that I couldn’t breastfeed anymore. But he eased my fears when he told me that Braden was gaining weight “normally” ( he’s a bit of an overachiever in that area) and he seemed like a really happy and alert baby. All of those things are a good indicator that everything is okay. Then he went on to explain why his poop is green.
Braden poops a lot. No really, a lot. Almost after every time he eats, and almost instantly. You see, for a baby his age the average baby poops maybe once a day. Their poop has enough time for the gallbladder to metabolize the food… Which for breastfed babies turns it a yellow color. But because Braden poops so often it doesn’t have time to do so. With age his poops will slow down on their own.
Also, he may have an allergy to something I’m eating. But because he doesn’t seem bothered by it, their were no further tests needed. It’s most likely diary… And that can take up to 3 weeks to leave the mamas body! I couldn’t believe it!
So… Just on cue, after 3 weeks of no diary, I am proud to say Braden’s poop is back to that “great yellow”!! I feel such relief!
I never thought I would be the mama to chit chat about Braden’s poop. But trust me, I could talk about it for hours. How did his poop become so intriguing!? I can’t believe I’m THAT mom!
It’s crazy how my babies poop has become such a part of my everyday life. And not just changing diapers… That’s the easy part. Their is so much more responsibly and dedication than I ever thought imaginable. But the reward is so incredibly worth it that I wouldn’t change a thing. Poop and all!

I love you,
Your mama xoxo

14 weeks old!

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Technicolor Poop

3 months of milestones

90 or so days ago Braden was placed into my arms, snuggly and sleepy. Today, I think just his torso fits across my stomach, legs dangling off to the side. If he falls asleep in my arms, my arm most likely will fall asleep too. How did my son grow so fast!? In size 3 diapers already and size 6 months in clothes I forget he’s still a baby. He looks like he’s ready to sit up and crawl.
Actually. the other day I sat him against a pillow on the bed while I put on my clothes. He likes to sit up and see things so it’s the best place for him when I’m changing. As I was finishing, he leaned forward and sat all on his own! It lasted for about 10 seconds before he slowly started to continue falling forward. I can’t believe how strong he is.
He’s enjoying tummy time a lot more, smiling and giggling from time to time. He’s stopped trying to roll over. I think he’s just enjoying the new view.
To my surprise though he has rolled from his back to his stomach a few times. He crunches his legs up to his chest then rolls on over. Only on the left side. Will he be a lefty!?
He found his hands a while back, but my goodness does he REALLY like to suck on them. It’s been a great source of soothing for him. I’ve noticed a few times in the car he’ll sooth himself to sleep with his hands. He can’t remember to do it every time but he’s getting there. The left hand is his favorite but he gives the right one a turn here and there!
I read him his first book, of which he loved. So now we’ve added a bedtime story to our nightly routine. I love the way his eyes light up.
I introduced him to some football. He pretty much loves anything on TV at this point. But I know my dad can’t wait for the day to share his love for football with Braden.
His hair is longer, hands and feet bigger, eyes bluer and smile cuter.
His curiosity about his surroundings is so adorable. I love looking at the world through his eyes. Everything is brand new.
While he still wakes up twice a night to eat, I truly don’t mind.
It’s the explosive poops and pees in the sheets that I could do without. I’m hoping the bigger diaper size will help. My 16 pound baby is a growing boy!
Our mommy and me class is coming to a close, and I’m a little nervous to be on our own with no class to help guide us. But I have faith in my mommy intuition to carry us on.
I love him more and more each day. I never knew I had this much love in my heart. And I’m sure it will only continue to grow.
I love you,
Your mama! Xoxoxoxoxo

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3 months of milestones

he’s growing up…

I made sure to buy Braden a bouncer he could sit in to entertain himself. The little monkey seat was a bit overwhelming for him at first. He wouldn’t last too long in it. His newborn eyes couldn’t process the bright colors and large innate objects. Fortunately, my cousin gave me a different bouncer. It was a lot more simple, and I thought…well he won’t really care for this. I decided to keep it downstairs, and the monkey one upstairs. To my surprise Braden was absolutely thrilled with the much less enthusiastic looking seat. Every time I would set him down, he would rejoice with a huge grin and would-be giggles. It warmed my heart to see him so happy. Quickly he realized the more he kicked his legs, the more the crazy animals would jump about. The three little animals became his “friends”. An elephant. A zebra. A crocodile. Fred. George. Bob. Yes, they had names. 

But, as babies tend to do… Braden grew. Not only has he almost grown out of the seat altogether, he is no longer entertained by the wee three friends. He has since grown on to something bigger and better (of which I need to figure out what that is). Every morning I still try to see if he’ll recognize his friends with delight. But no. At 13 weeks and the “4th trimester” coming to a close, he is ready to explore the world a little bit more. 

Here are some pictures of Fred, George and Bob. And a not so thrilled Braden…

I love you,

your mama xo

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he’s growing up…

Goodnight Moon

Recently I’ve had a lot of people ask me, “is Braden sleeping through the night yet?”. No. But technically yes. TECHNICALLY “sleeping through the night” is babies sleeping 4-6 hours. So yes, Braden sleeps through the night. But according to my definition of “sleeping through the night” he is not. He wakes up twice… To eat. He doesn’t cry or fuss. Instead He likes to shove his whole fist down his throat as though that fist will feed him. Inevitably, he gags himself. Badly. In between the gagging and the noise of him tossing himself back and forth in search of food… I’m awake! How can I not feed him? So I do, twice a night.
He mostly sleeps through the whole thing, which must be nice for him. Why can’t I sleep too!? Oh wait, I did once… By accident. I woke up (2 hours later…) with Braden still in my arms in the nursing position. Oops? How is this kid sleeping better than I am at night?
I am extremely grateful that he doesn’t keep me up at night, screaming and crying for no reason. *Knock on wood*. But sometimes I have a hard time going back to sleep. I’m jealous as I look at Braden in his deep sleep… I want to be there too! Some nights I eventually fall back to sleep just in time for him to wake up. How lovely.
Sleep when the baby sleeps you say? Oh right! Let me just never do the dirty laundry that Braden has pooped or drooled on, or the dirty dishes that are piling up in the sink. But It’s surprising how much sleep I don’t need, in order to function throughout the day! We moms must have some extra energy embedded in us that comes when the baby comes. Just when I think I can’t wake up, or need a nap… I do get up, or don’t take that nap. Things must get done and I realize I’m not so tired after all.
Braden won’t always be this small, so those days he won’t nap on his own I’ll gladly lay with him while he sleeps. I know he won’t be asking me to do that when he’s older. And it’s nice to stop and smell the roses every once in awhile. He’s already grown so much. I’m just trying to enjoy every moment, so don’t mind the dark circles under my eyes.

I love you,
Your mama

12 weeks old!

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Goodnight Moon