My sister gave me the cutest shirt for my birthday – for my son. It was in that moment that I actually realized I’m having a boy. But I’m a girl… I don’t know anything about boys. I’ve never been one. I panicked. The little skater boy on the box of little boy socks – anxiety. What am I going to do with a boy!? I’m not very girlie; I don’t like to shop or decorate. I don’t wear jewelry, and I have a love/hate relationship with makeup. But I’m also not a tomboy. I still LIKE to feel pretty, wear cute clothes (I’d just prefer if someone else shopped for me), and I don’t like to be dirty. And of course, I’ve never been a boy.
I immediately began reading every article I could find about being a mom and raising a boy. I don’t want to mess up. I want to be perfect. I want to make sure he knows that I love him – every day. I want to do everything right. But I started to realize, I will mess up, I will never be perfect, and there is no rule-book to being a parent so I am most definitely sure not everything will be right. And to be honest, I think that’s okay? Some of my favorite memories with my dad is when he “messed up”.
I’m sure my dad was overwhelmed with the thought of raising two girls – since he is not one, and never has been one. But I wouldn’t trade his “dad moments” for anything. Dressing my sister and I in the “wrong” clothes, and eating the”wrong” foods when mom was out of town. Taking us to Disneyland on Valentines Day – which was the most crowded and pretty horrible at the time. Taking me to the doctors in high school, and not listening to the instructions of the medications I was supposed to take – therefore almost getting me expelled. I love laughing at these memories (and there are many more) – what a goof! But he’s my dad. While traditionally you don’t take a little girl to the hardware store every weekend. I love that time he took me to Home Base (now Home Depot), and it was like Costco – where you had to be a member. He let me be in the picture with him, that had to go on his special ID. I remember that day so clearly. And only a dad (maybe just mine!) would let me throw up in his hands while I was sick with the flu – when of course mom was out of town.
Somehow inadvertently, memories of my dad and I have made me less nervous. I know it will all end up all okay. I’ll learn as I go. And hopefully my son will one day look back at all the mistakes I made and just laugh.
14 weeks to go!!!!
I love you,
your mama xo
My little guys new thing is to sit right up in my ribs and kick. And while I can’t breathe, and it’s extremely uncomfortable, I still love it. Maybe it’s the fact that I know it won’t always be like this. One day he’ll be kicking me from the outside! So it could be worse I guess.
He moves and kicks so much sometimes I swear he’s going to kick and punch his way out of my stomach. Some moments he even scares me. The way my stomach just jerks so suddenly. I’m starting to get nervous he’s going to be running around like a wild balloon! I hope I can keep up!
I love you – kicks and all,
Your mama xo
I only have these two shirts, but i can’t stop looking at them. I keep them on display in my room. It’s one of the first things I look at when I wake up. I can’t wait to see little chubby arms and legs sticking out of them. Those little snaps that I will undo to change his diaper. Who gets excited about changing a diaper?! I’m sure the novelty will wear off quickly…
15 weeks seems so far away. I want to hold him now! I guess that gives me plenty of time to buy him more clothes. This is my first time, but I am guessing he needs more! 😉
15 weeks to go!
I love you,
I’m starting to wonder what you’ll look like. I close my eyes and can see your smile, your laugh. It’s the sweetest i’ll ever know. I love to have breakfast by the pool and see you swimming, jumping into the deep end, giggling down the slide. I love daydreaming of the things you’ll love to do.
What will you like? What will you dream of? I can’t wait to help you grow into the person you’re meant to be. You’ll be nothing but greatness. I know it.
I love you ( so much),
My little Valentine is 24 weeks today. I got to hear his little heartbeats too. The night before my monthly checkup, I always get the most excited. I usually barely sleep all night. I look forward to hearing his little tiny beating heart. While I feel him moving around all the time – it still doesn’t feel real until I see him on an ultrasound or hear his heart beating.
When I was little, I could never sleep the night before going to Disneyland – I was too excited! I get the similar feeling before the night before a doctors appointment. He’s my little miracle. My little guy.
16 weeks to go!
I love you,
your mama xo
My favorite part of my day is laying in bed, holding my belly and feeling his kicks. They keep getting bigger. I am slowly starting to see my belly move with each kick! I miss him all day when I’m busy and don’t notice his movements. I love falling asleep with a little smile on my face because of my little guy. I love him so much.
I love you,
Boy. I still can’t believe there is a little boy growing inside of me. Incredible. It seems like the most unnatural thing to be happening, and yet it is the most natural experience a woman can have. I am SO overjoyed to be having a boy. It’s funny, because I just assumed I would want to have a girl. Mostly because I am a girl, and I know how to be a girl. But the moment I found out I was having a boy, it was like any thoughts of having a girl vanished. I’ve never been so excited to meet anyone in my life. I can’t wait for soccer games, surf contests, drums blaring, guitars strumming, first dates, first kisses ( i’ll never hear about i’m sure), skinned knees, ripped jeans, stained clothes, jumping off couches, rough hugs and those little dirty hands. His tiny fingers laced with mine. Cheers to boys! I’m ready!
17 weeks to go.
I love you,
At 19 weeks I finally felt the first kick of my little guy. I was sitting in bed watching football – the Denver Broncos lost to the Ravens. It was a great game…even though they lost. I think my little guy was just as upset as me, he kicked in frustration. It was amazing.
I had been waiting (patiently?) to feel a little kick. I was starting to get worried that I would never feel it. Then it happened. They haven’t stopped since. If I’m moving, he generally is still, or if I play music for him. He loves music. I love music. So it works out.
I’m always torn between feeling him kick around, or laying still – headphones on my stomach so he can listen to bands that will one day be his “all time favorite”. I can’t wait until he’s here. He brings me so much joy and I haven’t even met him yet. Rock on little guy.
18 weeks to go.
i love you,