Sometimes I lay awake and watch him sleep.
Sometimes he holds out his little hand, searching for mine.
I think about his future and how big it is. So much growing to do.
I still can’t fathom that I get to know him for the rest of my life.
It still feels like this isn’t real. That this is just a fleeting moment of pure happiness.
I hope I stay forever grateful, forever blessed; to be a mother – his mother.
Because I definitely don’t deserve it. Thank you.
Sometimes I have to make time to let it all sink in.
Sometimes a little moment is all I need.
9 months. Almost a year. My little baby is slowly turning into a toddler. Things that meant so much, no longer hold the same; how much does he weigh, how many weeks is he? For the curious he’s 19lb 12oz, and I have no idea how many weeks he is.
We’ve had a fun month of eating good food (lemons included), train rides, picnics, gymboree classes, great-grandparent visits and a 30th birthday celebration. I feel blessed to share these moments with my son.
My inquisitive little nugget is so intrigued with the world around him. Passerby’s often exclaim how observant he is. Never missing a beat. Discovering the trash man was terrifying yet exciting! I hope he always stays this wide eyed – living as though everything is a miracle. Shouldn’t we all do the same?
Doing any sort of task within the house is a chore all on its own. Braden is determined to climb the stairs, head for the rocks in the fireplace, grasp the puppy food in the dog bowl, get into anything in the forbidden room, tear apart the toilet paper in the bathroom, splash in the spa, pull puppy tails, and open and shut any and all doors. By the end of the day I’ve never felt more exhausted. But I think that’s because I’ll do anything for a Braden giggle. Just the other day I must have run past him, back and forth 20 times. He thought it was the funniest thing. Or blanket rides around the downstairs. What a treat he thought that was! He gets such a thrill out of those simple pleasures.
Braden isn’t walking yet, just sidestepping along. He looks at me like I’m nuts when I try to get him to hold onto something and walk forward. I think he’s thinking, “umm, why don’t I just sit down and crawl? Way easier mama…” Which is fine by me! Less chasing after him … For now at least!
The babbling – ” talking ” is becoming more and more frequent. Baba, mama and duh duh are his favorite words to say. The more teeth he sprouts the better his vocabulary grows. It’s really exciting to watch him learn.
I still can’t believe almost a year has passed. But I think for now I’m going to relish in baby cuddles for as long as I can. I sure will miss them when they’re gone.
Stay sweet my precious boy!
I love you!!
Your mama
Xo
I, well I should say we – Braden and I, had a rough couple of days. The sleep “issue” was getting to both of us. He was doing so great, we had a really good routine down. But then a wonder week happened. Although I didn’t know it was a wonder week, and I was left dumbfounded by his sudden change in sleep habits.
He was waking all the time. I’d rock him to sleep, lay him down and boom up!
Naps were about 20 minutes long at best.
I couldn’t stand it anymore and I thought this is it. I’m going to “sleep train”. Cry it out. Anything. I need a change. I need to fix this.
I tried to do the 5-10-15 minute checks, nothing but tears.
I tried sleeping on couch pillows in his room, but he just cried harder. Not understanding why I wasn’t picking him up.
Then I resorted to a true cry it out. Hours of crying. Watching him on the monitor fall asleep standing up in the crib. It was heartbreaking. And then very frustrating after he woke 45 minutes later.
I lasted a full 24 hours. So many tears, neither of us slept, and I felt guilty. He was so miserably exhausted, no Braden smiles and giggles. When he was awake he clung to me more than ever. Probably worrying I was going to leave him again. I think I cried harder than he did. In the end I decided it wasn’t worth it. Whatever sleep issue he had was fine. I would deal with it. Just no more nonsense sleep training.
I think I was trying to aim for something that just wasn’t working for us. I heard about all these babies that were sleeping through the night, and I was jealous. I wanted that to. I wanted a quick fix. But it’s not in the cards for us. I have to accept that every baby and every mom is different. We have to do whatever we feel is best for our babies.
So I went back to basics. We cuddled all night long and he slept for 12 hours. My happy Braden was there to greet me in the morning with a sweet gentle kiss on my nose.
After a couple days he trusted me again to sleep in his crib. Of course at night time he joins me in my bed halfway through the night. And it’s okay. This works for us. I need to stop trying to obtain something that isn’t us. He is still a baby, and I need to stop pushing him to grow up so fast. One day he won’t want to be anywhere near me, so why not enjoy it now? Who cares where he sleeps!? It’s not going to damage him as a person. I have a sensitive baby that needs his mama. And hey, why not give him what he needs? Isn’t that what I’m here for?
Love you my sweet baby boy!
Your mama xo
this little man 