I, well I should say we – Braden and I, had a rough couple of days. The sleep “issue” was getting to both of us. He was doing so great, we had a really good routine down. But then a wonder week happened. Although I didn’t know it was a wonder week, and I was left dumbfounded by his sudden change in sleep habits.
He was waking all the time. I’d rock him to sleep, lay him down and boom up!
Naps were about 20 minutes long at best.
I couldn’t stand it anymore and I thought this is it. I’m going to “sleep train”. Cry it out. Anything. I need a change. I need to fix this.
I tried to do the 5-10-15 minute checks, nothing but tears.
I tried sleeping on couch pillows in his room, but he just cried harder. Not understanding why I wasn’t picking him up.
Then I resorted to a true cry it out. Hours of crying. Watching him on the monitor fall asleep standing up in the crib. It was heartbreaking. And then very frustrating after he woke 45 minutes later.
I lasted a full 24 hours. So many tears, neither of us slept, and I felt guilty. He was so miserably exhausted, no Braden smiles and giggles. When he was awake he clung to me more than ever. Probably worrying I was going to leave him again. I think I cried harder than he did. In the end I decided it wasn’t worth it. Whatever sleep issue he had was fine. I would deal with it. Just no more nonsense sleep training.
I think I was trying to aim for something that just wasn’t working for us. I heard about all these babies that were sleeping through the night, and I was jealous. I wanted that to. I wanted a quick fix. But it’s not in the cards for us. I have to accept that every baby and every mom is different. We have to do whatever we feel is best for our babies.
So I went back to basics. We cuddled all night long and he slept for 12 hours. My happy Braden was there to greet me in the morning with a sweet gentle kiss on my nose.
After a couple days he trusted me again to sleep in his crib. Of course at night time he joins me in my bed halfway through the night. And it’s okay. This works for us. I need to stop trying to obtain something that isn’t us. He is still a baby, and I need to stop pushing him to grow up so fast. One day he won’t want to be anywhere near me, so why not enjoy it now? Who cares where he sleeps!? It’s not going to damage him as a person. I have a sensitive baby that needs his mama. And hey, why not give him what he needs? Isn’t that what I’m here for?
Love you my sweet baby boy!
Your mama xo