I’ve heard of it, but I didn’t think it was actually true. Alas, I caught a case of the mom guilt. Everything makes me feel guilty. I go to bed at night thinking about how I need to be better the next day.
If I’m on my phone too much. Guilt. If I leave him to go work out. Guilt. If I don’t play with him enough, hug him enough, love him enough. Guilt Guilt Guilt! Ahhh! I’m leaving him for 2 whole nights in October and I’m already feeling guilty. This is getting out of hand!
It’s so important to have my own identity, but I struggle with the balancing act. I know he’s not going to look back at this time and shake his finger at me for not doing better. And I know he needs to have moments without me, spending quality time with Dad, Grammy, Aunts and etc. I just didn’t think the mommy guilt would get a hold of me.
I daydream of the days I can get back to work, being creative and satisfying my artistic needs. But I know he needs me, and I need him! So then I feel guilty for even thinking for a second of not taking care of him every day.
When does the guilt go away?? Maybe tomorrow or maybe never! I just know that I can’t let this guilt over minuscule things take over. It is going to get me nowhere. I need to learn to accept the best that I am giving him, is truly my best. And to be honest, I’m glad I feel guilty from time to time. I just have so much love for him. And that is something I will NEVER feel guilty for!

I love you!!
Your mama xo

8 weeks old!

Two months sure has flown by! But, at the same time it feels like Braden has been here forever. It’s incredible to watch him grow… And grow he sure does! He officially weighs 14lb 14oz, and in size 2 diapers.
He is such a chunky monkey that people don’t believe he’s only two months old. He’s getting so heavy I’m scared to think about how much more he is going to weigh before be starts walking. I hope he learns to walk early. I don’t know if I can carry this chunker around!
It’s so rewarding to see him interacting with people and objects more. He is still the sweetest in the morning, looking at me with his baby blues. I listen to him coo and he listens to my weird animal noises. It’s fun to watch his eyes get all big when he hears a sound he hasn’t heard before. But that SMILE when he recognizes a sound just lights up his entire face. Nothing better than that.
He’s slowly starting to be interested in his toys. He can follow a rattle from left to right and right to left. Sometimes he’ll even recognize a voice and turn his head in that direction to see who it is. It’s amazing to watch him learn and adapt to this life. Everything is so new!
Unfortunately, new things means being scared sometimes! The past couple weeks he seems to get startled if something comes in his line of view too suddenly. Just now I went to pick him up from his crib, but I think my face came in too fast! I said, “hello Braden”. He jumped a little, paused, stuck out his lower lip and then started to cry. It is so cute, funny, and a little sad! I guess I have to be more gentle for my little scaredy cat.
Braden still loves tummy time and he’s ridiculously close to rolling over! I thought for sure he was over but he stopped halfway thru and then came back. Oh well. We’ll get there soon!
Can’t wait to see what he’s going to learn and do next!

I love you,
Your mama xo

2 months old!

My little Braden got a diaper rash about a month ago. The doctor didn’t seem concerned. Told me to continue using the cream I had bought and all would be well. Unfortunately, the rash remained. I did some research and read that breastfed babies tend to have diaper rashes more frequently than bottle fed babies because they poop more. It made sense and I continued to use the cream. It wasn’t getting any worse and he didn’t seem to be bothered.
When I was giving Braden a bath a week later I noticed the rash further up the inside of his legs. I didn’t know if it had spread or if I just didn’t notice it before. And then I looked into his baby blue eyes. My heart melted. He was just looking at me with such love and trust. He trusted me to take the best care of him. I was heartbroken. I felt like I had done him wrong by letting this rash go on for so long.
I didn’t even finish giving him a bath. I got him out, dried him off, sat down and hugged him. I immediately started to cry thinking I was the worst mother in the world. How could I have done this!?
After some simple reassuring words of “it’s not your fault he’s always wet” from his dad, I did some more research on creams and diaper rashes.
There is so much knowledge to be learned out there when it comes to baby products. You really do need to read the ingredients and what your putting on babies skin.
In the end I switched creams and the rash is gone. But It’s amazing how one simple look from your baby can mean so much to you. I know I will continue to make mistakes, but I will sure try my hardest to never let him down. He’s my everything.

I love you,
Your mama xoxo

7 weeks old