Braden was the best newborn. He slept mostly all the time. He’d only awake to eat and then straight back to sleep. It was an easy routine to get into, and I seemed to get plenty of sleep. Those days are long gone.
I guess I should still preface this by saying, he’s still a pretty happy go lucky, easy baby. But the sleep… Or lack thereof is killing me. I miss newborn-sleepy Braden. I could watch television at a normal level, listen to music, and have conversations with others in the room. These days I have to nurse in a quiet, dark room. If you call me on the phone during that time… Forget it. I can’t answer. The moment he hears my voice, he looks back at me, and then smiles so big. I’ve lost him. He would rather eat his hand. I have the hardest time getting him to eat again after an interruption.
Everything is a distraction. He’s so curious about everything. He’ll (walk?) into the same room a hundred times, but look around as if he’s seeing everything for the first time.
No longer does he fall straight to sleep after I’ve fed him. Which I guess is better in the long run. However, I now must rock him to sleep. But not only do I have to rock, I must also do one of the following; sing, hum, shush, pat his back or make a sound I can’t even begin to describe. Of course it’s never the same, and it is my job to figure out which way he would like to be soothed. He likes to keep me on my toes.
Luckily, by mistake, I’ve discovered one song that gets me through the changing table, long car rides, and a lullaby to sleep. I stumbled upon it accidentally one day when my mother was getting dressed. She looked at me and asked, “how do I look?” I said, “oh mother, who cares what you’re wearing… You’re never fully dressed without a smile”. She laughed and said, “oh I like that, where’s that from?”. I told her it was from the musical Annie. She couldn’t remember how it went, so I looked it up on YouTube.
With Braden in my lap I started to play the song for my mom. Instantly, Braden stopped whatever he was chewing on and his baby blue eyes went straight to my phone. He could not take his eyes off the screen. He was so quiet, just enjoying the girls sing and dance around. I swear he is infatuated with girls.
Anyway, of course I couldn’t get the song out of my head all day. But Braden didn’t seem to mind, so I kept on singing. It wasn’t until one long car ride (where he would not stop crying) that I discovered this song was like magic!
I was going through all of my resources to get him to stop crying, but nothing was working. I was driving with one hand, holding onto his fingers with my other hand, losing circulation in my shoulder from reaching behind me. And then I remembered, the song. I started singing… “Who cares what they’re wearing…” BOOM. Silence. I looked back into the mirror, a little smile had appeared on his face. I’ll never forget the look on his face, a little Braden grin coming through, tears fading away. I had found it! The one song I can sing to get him to calm down!
To be honest, it only worked like magic for about 2 weeks. He’s a smart cookie and caught on to my secret and so it doesn’t work every time. But for when the times it does, it genuinely melts my heart. My favorite times are changing him on that table, or when he’s just waking up from a nap. I always sing to him, his eyes fixated on me with an enormous smile on his face. He looks at me with such love, that smile filling my heart up. Maybe that’s why he loves that song so much. He’s just never fully dressed without that smile!!

I love you ( more than I ever thought possible),
Your mama xoxoxoxox

20 weeks old!