It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, so this may be a bit rusty. I’ve been holding back on blogging because all of a sudden I’ve become so self-conscious about “oversharing”. I realize I post an almost daily picture (or 2) of my son, but I just can’t help it! And I’m here to say, that I don’t care! Well, maybe I care a little bit… But not enough to keep me from blogging from anymore.
This was never meant to be about anyone else but me and my son. I blog for me… And Braden. I want to remember as much as I can. And I want him to know how I felt about every major or minor milestone in his life. It makes me so sad when my mom will tell me stories from my childhood that I don’t have an ounce of memory to pull from. I hope that Braden can remember a sliver of how much I loved him at this age, and what fun it is to watch him grow. So, here’s to blogging!
My heart become a new kind of full I haven’t felt before. All from 2 words. “Night mommy”. I’ll digress.
Braden and I have spent most of the past 26 months sleeping in the same bed together. If he wasn’t with me, he was with his dad or some other family member. But, never sleeping alone.
Co-sleeping was the best decision I could ever make for Braden and myself. My dad asked me once, “when is Braden going to sleep in his own bed?” I said, “whenever he tells me.” My dad is a very black & white guy… He didn’t get it. But, he didn’t need to. He was supportive in his own way, and ultimately it was my decision. And Braden did tell me. Not in his own words of course, but as he grew and matured I knew in my heart it was time to move on. Truth be told, we could have done it a bit sooner, but my heart wasn’t ready to let go.
My dad convinced me to get Braden a race car bed. Chris and I weren’t super on board with it but figured… YOLO!! In actuality, I think it’s what has made this transition as easy as it has been.
The first week I started laying in bed with him until he fell asleep. Much like I did in my bed. And every time he woke, I would go in and lay down with him until he fell asleep. I couldn’t take it! I hadn’t been up all night since he was an infant! Not only that, a twin bed is very small. And the race car aspects weren’t helping when I was crawling in and out bed… 🙂 His dad decided to just let him fall asleep on his own, and after a few struggles and miscommunications he was off to bed just fine. But, now it was my turn.
I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I was imagining what it was like when he was infant. So many tears and so much sadness. But it wasn’t anything like that! Don’t get me wrong, there were a few tears (mostly whines) and a couple yelps of wanting to snuggle… But I would calmly walk in his room and repeat that he has his own bed now, he gets to sleep all by himself, and etc. After a few trips back into his room to make him feel secure, he eventually he went to sleep.
And then tonight.
I tucked my little man in, gave him his animals (Mickey Mouse, Teddy Bear, a penguin, duck, and a turtle ☺️), kissed him sweetly on his cheek and said, “Goodnight Braden. Can’t wait to snuggle with you in the morning after the sun wakes up.” He said with the most cheery voice, “Night Mommy!” He then layed his head down in the pillow and made a kiss sound.
My heart melted. When did my son grow up? Somehow I blinked and my little Braden is not so little anymore. It’s a very bittersweet time as I know he doesn’t need me as much as before…But, it is so rewarding to hear the trust in his voice and See his independence flourish.
My goodness, I sure am enjoying watching you grow up. I feel so blessed to be along for this ride. But, can you slow it down a little bit please? I just want to sit in this moment awhile longer.
I love you my little man!