I’m generally your run of the mill germ freak. I don’t like to share food or drinks… Just in case I may catch your goobers. I was a little concerned about how I’d react to my sons goobers. Babies have a lot of them. I’ve seen mothers and fathers touch such goobers on their child and I would cringe in disgust. EW! I will never be like that…
I am like that. But somehow his goobers don’t bother me. In the few short weeks he’s been here I’ve done things I never thought I’d do. Ive picked his nose, caught his geyser of pee with my hand as to not land on his face, and wiped numerous goobers off of his eyes. But what I think officially makes me a mom is that while changing him, I caught his poop in my hands. Hey don’t judge. Washing my hands is a lot easier than doing a load of laundry.
Those moments of nap time are such a gamble. What should I do!? Eat, clean, sleep, or shower!? The shower is the hardest one to decipher. Do I have time? Will he wake up? How long should I let him cry for? Do I really need to wash my hair today?
I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that my leisurely shower days are long gone. Sometimes I forget and take my time, enjoying the nice hot water. Which is quickly ended by a loud cry of, “mama where are you I’m hungry NOW!!?”. So I jump out of the shower, quickly put on the first shirt and pants I can find, and grab my son. As I sit down to feed him I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Last nights makeup streaming down my face (since we all know there was no time to wash my face), my hair in a mess of curls on top of my head, and wait is my shirt wet? I lift it up to smell it. Is it water or pee? It’s most likely pee because Braden can’t control his penis and pees everywhere and on everything. But their is no time to change because he wants to eat. So I sit down with my mascara-ed cheeks and my pee shirt… I think to myself. This is motherhood. It’s not so glamorous. But hey at least my son is cute…

For as long as I can remember I have always been a snob about my sleeping arrangements. Going on family vacations was always a nightmare because I had to share a bed with my sister. She breathed too loudly and I guess I kicked her in my sleep. As I got older, nobody would share a bed with me and I have never been fan of staying the night at a friends house. I am partial to my clean and perfect bed. Today, most people know that my bed is called a “hotel bed” and I don’t like to share it with anyone. I am obsessed.

I haven’t slept in my “hotel bed” in three weeks. And I don’t miss it one bit.

I sleep on the couch with my son, in his room. I also sleep on my back. I hate sleeping on my back. But I love my son, so I sleep on my back. He sleeps on my chest or as of more recently, he likes to sleep on his back on my lap. I love sleeping with him. On the nights that he sleeps on his own I don’t sleep as good. I am sure he sleeps just as good both ways.

I know my  bed is open, and I could easily take him in my bed with me. But it’s so much easier to just be in his room with everything that he needs. He’s a really good sleeper, and I am afraid that in my comfy “hotel bed” I won’t wake up to him when he needs me. So the couch it is.

I have heard both pros and cons about co-sleeping, and to tell you the truth I am taking a little bit of advice from both sides. I guess for me personally, once he’s a little bit more older I will feel more comfortable letting him sleep on his own every night. Plus I know one day he will not want to cuddle with me, so I am taking full advantage.

I love that every morning I wake up to him staring at me to wake up. He never cries…just seems as though he’s waiting for me to open my eyes. I change him. We snuggle back on the couch, and we sing songs. Well, mostly I do the singing while he stares at me like I’m crazy. I give him lots of kisses and tell him how much I love him. I feed him and sometimes he lets me take a shower. He talks to me when I’m in the shower, and I try to answer all of his questions. Some days we take a nap right away, other days he’s ready for the day, and occasionally he’s a little cranky. These are my favorite times of the day (that and bedtime). We’re still learning how our days are going to go, but I know I can always rely on our special mornings together. And that is why I sleep on the couch, because I’m not just any mom. I’m his mom.

I love you Braden Christopher,

your mama xo

He’s here! AH! Let me start at the beginning…

My little man was due to be born on June 6th, 2013. But he had other plans. He must have enjoyed his little nest a bit too much, seeing as he was a week late! Leading up to his arrival, I tried everything under the sun to make me go into labor. I didn’t really believe that any of it would work. I mostly just tried it all to prove a point that it’s a bunch of hodge podge. (IT IS). I knew in my heart that he would come when he was ready.

My doctor suggested that I be induced on the 13th, if he hadn’t arrived before then. I said sure -trying to go with the flow, and I figured she knew what she was doing. But the process did not seem fun, so I was really hoping I would go into labor on my own. Unfortunately, time was coming closer and closer to the 13th. That’s when we realized, wait…the 13th!? Do we really want our sons birthday to be on the 13th?! We were hoping it wouldn’t happen. And even thought that if it did, maybe we could just tell him his birthday was on the 14th?? Don’t worry, his dad talked some sense into me, and I won’t be lying to my son about his birthday…

I went in on the 12th to start the inducing process, but I actually found out that I was 3cm and I didn’t need to be induced! I was so thankful. Apparently, I was having contractions and I didn’t even know it! At around 6pm that night, I started to kinda-maybe feel contractions about 5-6 minutes apart. I refused to keep track because it just didn’t seem like they were painful enough. At around 10pm I decided to get some sleep because I still had my appointment at 7am at the hospital. In my mind, I thought it would be fine to wait until then.

At around 2:30am, I woke up to contractions that were 5 minutes apart and a little more painful. I tried to go back to sleep, but after about an hour I decided to take a shower. The hot water definitely felt so good on my stomach. But I couldn’t stay in there forever. I decided to watch some television downstairs so I wouldn’t disturb my son’s dad. I knew it would be a long day, and one of us should sleep. At about 4:30am, my mother came in to check on me. I told her about my contractions, she couldn’t believe how calm I was acting. I look back now and realize most people would already have been at the hospital already – or at least called the doctor. But I kept thinking about my 7am appointment – and I could make it til then. At about 5:30am I decided to finish packing up and getting ready for the hospital. An hour later we were out the door and on our way to the hospital!

We checked into the hospital – and into this gorgeous huge room! I remember saying I didn’t want to get into the hospital bed yet. I really don’t think I was accepting that I was in labor. I, of course, had to get into the bed – as I was 4cm! WHO KNEW!? Luckily, that meant I could have my epidural. AWESOME. After the epidural and having the doctor to come in to break my water, I was well on my way! It was about 9am and I was informed my son would be here around 3pm. Great I thought!

My mother, sister and aunt came soon after…and it kind of became a party. Every so often I would get checked – 6cm…7cm. Wow. This is going by fast – I thought. Close to 3pm, I started to be able to feel my contractions. I mentioned it to the nurse – but she told me I was getting closer to push time, and I needed to be able feel my legs so the epidural wasn’t as strong. That made sense, so I went with it. I have a high tolerance for pain, so I could deal with a little contraction.

Unfortunately, the pain went from a 2 to a 10 in less than an hour. I didn’t understand what happened. I could barely breath. This was insanity. Eventually the anesthesiologist came in to check on things. He thought there was a possibility my epidural fell out. Instead of taking it out and putting it back in, he gave me a shot for pain meds. It did nothing. The pain escalated.

I am not too clear on what happened next. I do remember being told I was 9.5cm and I could try to push, in hopes of reaching 10cm. But, my legs were still numb so I couldn’t really push. It became such a stressful situation – the baby reverted back up and I was in such pain I couldn’t even open my eyes. I remember yelling at my mother to shut up, telling Chris I wanted a C-section, and repeatedly yelling how I couldn’t do this anymore.

My epidural had completely fallen out. My contractions were constant, never stopping for even a second – I threw up twice because of the pain. Not only that, I had to wait for the anesthesiologist to come back because he was helping deliver twins. After about 2 hours of feeling actual active labor, the epidural was put back in. Basically, I had to start my labor all over.

Although I had reached 10cm and should have delivered, the baby was so stressed he wasn’t in the birth canal anymore. I was also so exhausted to even attempt to push. ALSO, we had to wait for the epidural to kick in and then fade down some. It was a nightmare. After about 3 hours – and an hour and a half of pushing, he finally made his appearance! What a long journey it had been!

9:43pm

Braden Christopher Escareno

8lb 6oz

20 inches long

He is perfect.

And I love him.

I’m told about two more weeks until the arrival of my son. It’s pretty incredible that I’ve been carrying him around for the last 9 months. It seems like forever ago since this amazing journey began. And it has truly been amazing, until last week.
Let me be honest, I feel like I’m walking around with a permanent stick up my ass. When people ask me how I’m doing, I smile and say I’m great! I mean, I’m not horrible, and I’m sure it could be worse. But for the first time in 9 months, I actually FEEL pregnant. The feeling of, “is this going to go on forever”, has started to sink in.
I know that once labor hits and he’s here, these last few weeks will be a blur. So I’m taking it in stride. Trying to anyway : )
As of Sunday, I will finally have graduated college. I look forward to spending the last few days as one person, and daydreaming about my life together with my little man.
I’m ready (Almost) to meet you. I hope you like it here!

2 more weeks to go!
OMG!
I love you,
Your mama xoxo

36 weeks today. Time has gone by so fast.

4 more weeks to go!

I love you,
Your mama xo

I had the most amazing day to celebrate the arrival of my little man. The support and love from all of my friends and family was overwhelming. I definitely have one spoiled little man. He got so many wonderful gifts; from diapers, to books and CLOTHES…oh my goodness, the clothes! They are so adorable, and tiny, and he’s got so many options! 

So I’m shouting out an unofficial THANK YOU to everyone that came. Who know that 50+ plus people would come to show their love and support to me and my little man!? I am blessed. He is blessed. 

His little room is slowly coming together, and it’s all thanks to you. 

I will never forget that day – so thank you.

5 more weeks to go!

I love you,

your mama xo

Sometimes I think I can literally feel my stomach stretching. And I’m starting to question how it’s possible for my body to handle 6 more weeks of this. Nothing feels the same – body, mind, emotions…all to do the most important thing in this life…to give life. Definitely worth the insanity. He’s not even here yet, but I already know he is the best thing that could happen to me.
The unknown is terrifying and yet exciting all at the same time. I choose to face the lion, straight on. The best adventure I’ll ever be apart of. Thank you for letting me be your mama. I’m truly honored.

6 more weeks to go!

I love you,
Your mama xo

It’s amazing that as more time goes on, I feel like time is going backwards. Time has gone by so quickly, but I still feel like I’m going to be pregnant forever. I know I have a real tiny little human being growing inside of me… But I think I’m in denial!
His movements are more pronounced, I can literally see my whole stomach shaking when he moves. It’s a crazy thing to experience. But, It wasn’t until his dad was trying to determine what body part was what, that I freaked out a little. Wait, you’re telling me this baby has a head and arms and legs!? When I think about it like that… It does not seem ok that this is happening. I don’t like to think, oh that’s his head in my ribs and etc. It’s too bizarre for my brain to process.
He must be so tiny in there. I feel I’m running out of room for him to grow! I just can’t wait to hold him. Hurry up little guy! (Well, kinda)

7 more weeks to go!
I love you,
Your mama xoxoxoxoxo

I can’t believe I’ve finally made it to the single digits. Time has gone by so fast. I can remember sitting in bed and feeling his little kicks for the first time. Now they are just apart of my every day. I love them so much, I wonder if I will miss them when he’s no longer in there…
Today, I am conquering the task of washing his little clothes and putting them away. Right now they are spread out over a chair next to me bed. I love waking up in the morning, turning over and looking at his little things. It makes me a little sad thinking about putting them away. But it must be done!
Presents for my little monkey are starting to arrive! I can’t believe the time has come! I feel so blessed and honored to be his mama. Can’t wait to hold him. I hope I’ll be able to put him down.

9 more weeks to go! (Ahhh!)
I love you,
Your mama xoxoxoxoxo